Not Your Shrink.

Your Dominant is your partner.
He is not your shrink.
Your submissive is your companion.
She is not your shrink.
Your Domme is your lover.
She is not your shrink.
Your submissive is your catharsis.
He is not your shrink.
There is a theme here. Do you see? Can you spot it, maybe?
D/s is a lifestyle of release, intensity, intimacy unlike any other vanilla relationship. I’ll stand by that statement. But I see a lot of Dominants and submissives alike turning to a dangerous mentality. The theme of questions sent to experts and peer advisers through their Tumblrs bear a frightening similiarity:
“My Dominant/submissive has [insert mental illness]. I’m doing the best I can to support them, but they’re breaking down. Spiraling. I don’t know what to do. What can I do to make them better?”
Or.
“I have [insert mental illness]. I try to talk to my Dominant/submissive, but they aren’t able to fix it. I want to be better for them but I just can’t.”
Sweetheart. Love. Listen to me. Please.
You need a therapist. Your partner cannot be that for you. They can be a sounding board, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. But if you have mental illness/trauma/etc, you need to find someone who is not your partner to serve in that capacity for you.
As of this coming Monday, I will be starting meds for my anxiety and my PTSD. I have a doctor and a therapist. They take care of my health, physical and mental.
T encourages me to take care of myself, see my shrink when I need it and I don’t want to go, take my meds, hydrate and get fresh air, etc. That’s His role as my Dominant.
I do the same for T. That’s my role as His submissive. AND our roles as significant others, partners, spouses.
My shrink is the expert. My shrink has training and expertise in tending to those broken parts.
If I broke my leg, I would not ask T to set the bone, put in a rod or a plate, insert an IV to get fluids and blood and morphine flowing through my screaming body. I would go to a doctor. T would carry me through the door. He would hold my hand.
But the doctor would do the fixing.
“You’re my Dominant, it’s your job.” “You’re my sub. Just meet My needs.” <<this is not how it works. I’m sorry.
You need a third party.
My sweet friends and followers: please. I love you.
Your Dominant/submissive is not your shrink.
This is how D/s dynamics crumble, break, fold, and even become destructive to those within.
{if finances are an issue, like they are for us, check with local aid offices or even see if you have mental health experts in your area that take state aid. Mine does. It’s possible, loves.}


